The Desires of My Heart

I've heard so many people say, "God knows you intimately and He will give you the desires of your heart." I have tasted and seen His goodness more than I could ever imagine, but I have had a difficult time believing in the above statements. I know they are true, but I have recently been thinking, "People are dying here at Tenwek. They are undergoing surgery without anesthesia, suffering inexplainable amounts of pain, and starving. Jesus should be paying more attention to them than to me because I'm merely a short term missionary who can go back to her life in America." 

SO WRONG. 

You know what God keeps telling me? "I love you with the love I have for my son." WHAT?! You mean God loves me as much as He loves Jesus? He has the same love for me that He has for His son, for my sweet Faith suffering from severe burns in the hospital, and for little Bridget at the Kitoben orphanage. I kept thinking that was some sort of statement my heart conjured up to make me feel better. 

NOPE.

That's the amazing, furious, eternally deep, and glorious love that the Father has for ALL of his children. His adopted sons and daughters are not treated as any less than princes and princesses in His Kingdom.

Today I experienced the Father giving me even more of the desires of my heart. He knows me more than I know myself. 

I sat outside on the soft grass at the orphanage - Kitoben Children's Center. I was surrounded by a group of young girls mimicking my every move. We were watching the other girls jump rope as their tattered purple uniforms became even dirtier. Shy little Bridget came over to me and snuggled under my arm.  Abigail, my favorite at the orphanage (what you would label as an "outsider" at the orphanage) sat beside me and took my hand tightly in hers as she rested her head on my side. It started to downpour warm rain as I sat on the muddy, cow-poop-filled grass, watching the girls jump rope as their faces showed pure delight. 

That was the most perfect afternoon - being able to give those children all the attention they'd ever wanted. Jesus allowed me to sit with them for hours, counting how many times they could jump rope, looking at each one of them and telling them how beautiful they are, call them by name, and rub their backs. 

My heart is full and overflowing with love for these children that don't even know their real names. I had to say goodbye to them today. It broke my heart as it ached to be with them forever. I realized that the love I feel for them is only the smallest sliver of the Father's heart for them. His heart pulsates with delight and love for them. I can trust my Creator to take care of them and love them. I pray with all my heart that I will see them again.

Much love from Kenya,

Hunter

Days Like These

Here's something I wrote in my journal while at Asbury last semester:

"There's just some days (more often than not) that I just get this overwhelming, heart-wrenching pull at my heart to go. My heart burns with the desire to go. I would right now if I could. It's not an escape. It's freedom. My heart isn't here…it's there. It's in those countries that God has woven into my DNA. I don't know what those countries are, but I know that if He were to reveal it to me today…I would go without turning back. Sometimes the pain is too much. I desperately want to live in tents, sleeping bags, mud huts, metal shacks, and jungles. I want to be covered in the dirt and mud of those places. I feel that I am the person God has made me to be when I'm there. I feel a glow. I feel His presence thick like a blanket. 

There are days when I feel that Asbury is EXACTLY where God wants me right now, but there are days, like today, when I just want to go. I want to leave everything behind and live with those who have no idea how much they are loved. My heart perpetually aches for them."

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I came across this while reading through my journal before coming here to Kenya for the second time. God's timing is always perfect and He knew I would need to see - right in front of my face - that He was being faithful (as always) and giving me the desires of my heart. He also knew that I would need the reminder to be intentional with every single moment of the day because I will have to come back to the reality that I will be leaving here after 2 VERY SHORT weeks. 

Here's my answer to the cliche question, "What do you love about Kenya?"

      I love waking up to the sun streaming through the outdated and run-down curtains. I love waking up to the sounds of the village of Bomet wide awake, with children laughing and speaking in Swahili. I love the raw feeling of the Father's love coursing through me for these people. I love being able to love with no reservations.

I'm not a huge fan of really short missions trips only because in my experience I feel like I need to do and give things to the people. It seems like that is more important than simply getting to know them. HOWEVER, God showed me the most beautiful little girl at the hospital who would throw all those fears and expectations out the door. 

She was laying on her stomach, covered in blankets, on a hospital bed outside in the sun. She had an IV sort of contraption connected to her wrist. We looked at each other at the same time and her face absolutely lit up. I have never seen a face with that much genuine joy. If eyes are the gateway to the soul, that precious girl's soul is purest of them all. I painted her nails pink and gave her some crayons and a couple coloring pages that she was absolutely thrilled about. Here's the life lesson though...as I was walking back to the other Pedes Wards, I realized that the sweet girl's joy didn't come from her getting anything (even though it made her so incredibly happy). Her joy was there before I gave her those things. I realized that the pure look of ecstasy on her face came from her knowing that someone saw her, stopped where she was going, and went to her instead of where she was focused on going. This beautiful Kenyan girl was noticed and loved on by human touch, something she hadn't experienced from people other than doctors for a very long time.

I'm definitely not the hero of this story...it's the indescribably amazing love of the Father that He would send a 20 year old girl in love with Africa to a little girl on a stretcher longing to be noticed and have her nails painted like a princess, something that no one had ever done for her. If our Father can make connections across the world like that, we have no reason to doubt his head-over-heels love for every single person on this earth - past, present, and future.

This is just one of the countless things I have learned while here in Kenya! I have a million stories I want to share, but for the sake of those reading, I should end this already lengthy blog :) 

Much love from Kenya,

Hunter

Miracles, Divine Appointments, Adventures, and the Father's Heart!

*Sorry it's so long! I didn't want to do it in two different posts because I thought it might be a bit confusing. Also, I apologize in advance for skipping around with absolutely no transitions! Fellow writers, please don't get too hung up on this :)

As I was reading through the book of Acts, I came to Acts 3:1-10. Since I didn't want to skip any stories, no matter how familiar I felt they were, I decided to read it. This is the story of the crippled beggar at the gate called Beautiful. I have read this story, and honestly, skipped over it many times. If you've read it, you probably remember that the man was healed. Until a couple of days ago, I thought the miracle was the focal point of the story. 

Because Jesus is so good and loves to show me new things, every inch of that page is now covered in black ink and scribbles. What was once just an awesome story of the miraculous power of God has now become one of my favorite passages in the Bible. Jesus whispered to my heart new revelations and reminded me of ones I had heard before. These 10 verses are PACKED to the brim and overflowing with the Father's heart. I just had to read it again. 

Stop here. Please read all 10 verses. It's not long! :) Then come back the read the rest of this blog if you want!

I made it super easy for you…here's all 10 verses:

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1 One day Peter and John were going up to the temple at the time of prayer—at three in the afternoon. 2 Now a man who was lame from birth was being carried to the temple gate called Beautiful, where he was put every day to beg from those going into the temple courts. 3 When he saw Peter and John about to enter, he asked them for money. 4 Peter looked straight at him, as did John. Then Peter said, “Look at us!” 5 So the man gave them his attention, expecting to get something from them.

6 Then Peter said, “Silver or gold I do not have, but what I do have I give you. In the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, walk.” 7 Taking him by the right hand, he helped him up, and instantly the man’s feet and ankles became strong. 8 He jumped to his feet and began to walk. Then he went with them into the temple courts, walking and jumping, and praising God. 9 When all the people saw him walking and praising God, 10 they recognized him as the same man who used to sit begging at the temple gate called Beautiful, and they were filled with wonder and amazement at what had happened to him.

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I always read this story thinking to myself, "This is so great. Peter and John were open to having a divine appointment and God made sure there was one. They healed this crippled man who then became a walking testimony of the power of God when all the other people saw him!" True…but I don't believe that's the main point. 

As soon as I read the first verse, God showed me that Peter and John weren't doing anything out of the ordinary; they were simply participating in the routine of going to the temple at the time of prayer. However, since later on in the story the man was healed, God must have planned the whole exchange out, knowing from even before the crippled man was born that he would be healed by two men going about their daily life. 

What God put on my heart was that as I go through the seemingly boring routine of my day, He is in it! He longs for me (and you) to realize that it doesn't have to be boring…He wants it to be full of adventures that He takes me on as He says, "Come away with me." I want to be so aware of the presence of God that I can enter into the freedom of just being with God…so much so that the miraculous invades the mundane all because my affections and thoughts were turned towards Jesus. 

If we can say that we believe with every fiber of our being that the Holy Spirit is in us, then we don't need to be praying for divine appointments. Because the Holy Spirit has taken up residence in us - meaning He is always with us - then wherever we go, God is there. And everywhere God is, so is His divine nature. This means that divine appointments are everywhere we are, because God is already there! Bottom line for those of you who desperately want me to be concise: Divine appointments are everywhere because God is everywhere.

Our whole life is a divine appointment straight from the Father's heart that is bursting with love and passion. Jesus was THE divine appointment for the world. Now that we have the Holy Spirit, we are called to be extensions of the mission of Jesus. We need to recognize that we are to be living, walking divine appointments of freedom for all people because of the Holy Spirit in us that raised Jesus from the dead. So many people get stuck in legalistic Christianity because they don't realize the raw, glorious, beautiful, overwhelming, and tangible power of the Holy Spirit that is to be flowing into and out of us.

As I kept reading the story, I then focused on the end of verse 2. I started to imagine what it would be like to be a beggar sitting there, completely stripped of all dignity. But God seemed to whisper to me over and over again to focus on "those going into the temple courts." They passed by this man in order to get to their final destination…the temple courts. 

Here's the thing, God is in the journey, not just in the destination. 

The people that passed by the crippled beggar were going to the temple courts to worship God, but they missed out what (who, in this case) was literally sitting right in front of them. The crippled beggar was probably sitting outside the gate because of the large number of people that were going to the temple courts. However, that was most likely only part of the reason. I believe that the other reason why he chose (consciously or subconsciously) that spot and not a bustling marketplace, was because something in him drew him to the temple courts. Something in him…a spark of hope…ignited his heart and whispered to his soul that maybe if he was close to where the people of God worshipped, his situation would change.

The point: The people of God, going to worship God, were so intent on getting to where they were going that they refused to look around them and invite God into their awareness while on the journey there. 

After Peter and John were used to heal the man, the once crippled beggar ran INTO the temple courts and praised God in front of all the people that passed by him every week. Not only was he healed, but God gave Him the boldness to be a light to those who chose not to see him. Verse 10 says, "They recognized him as the same man who used to sit begging at the gate called Beautiful, and they were filled with wonder and amazement." The people's eyes were opened and I believe that their hearts changed. The atmosphere shifted because of the miraculous event that charged the air. The people that once passed by the crippled beggar every week actually SAW him. They noticed him. He was no longer invisible to them. He was no longer the beggar "in their way."

This story has HUGE implications for us if you choose to see it. This is Jesus' cry for us to SEE the people around us. He yearns for us to have even the teeniest spark of faith and be open to him changing our plans on the journey so He can change lives, like He always does. Jesus sees and knows every single person, even when people choose not to see him/her. 

This is the Father's heart - that we would intentionally live life looking for people to love on. We are no longer to be the people that pass by others in order to go to the next church service. We need to hear the cries of those losing their way, and those who are lost. As we tune our ears to the frequencies of heaven, our hearts burn with the Father's love so much so that it is impossible for us to turn away from people.

Worrying is Not of God

I have been challenged to replace every worry that comes to my mind with a truth about who God is and who I am in Christ. 

So, for example I say and think this all the time: "I am naturally a person who worries about things all the time."

Lie #1: I am a worrier.

Truth #1: I am a daughter of the Most High God.

     *1 John 3:1-2  "See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! The reason the world does not know us is that it did not know him.  Dear friends, now we are children of God, and what we will be has not yet been made known. But we know that when Christ appears, we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is."

Lie #2: I will always be a person who worries a lot.

Truth #2: God will renew my mind when I completely surrender all control to Him.

     *Romans 12:1-2  "Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship. Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will."

Lie #3: I will always be stressed out because of how much I worry.

Truth #3: God is a God of all-surpassing peace and He is more than enough.

     *Philippians 4:6-7  "Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

In continuation with my previous blog post, I am still reading The Christian Atheist by Craig Groeschel.  Here are some majorly convicting words:

   "Romans 14:23 says, 'Everything that does not come from faith is sin.' That's pretty clear to me. Worry is the opposite of faith; therefore, it's sin'" (149).

I have never thought of worrying as sinning, but it makes so much sense.  When we worry, we are taking complete control of our lives...telling God that our plan is better than His.  We are looking the Creator of the universe in the face and saying, "I can do this on my own; I don't need you."  Wow.  That we can even say that God and keep on living in the way that we do...

Next time you see someone, ask them how they are doing.  But when they reply, "I'm good", ask them..."No, how are you REALLY doing?"

No one feels "good" all the time.  What is feeling good anyways?  What does that even mean?  Is it a cover-up for really saying, "I am barely holding and the pain is unbearable on but I have to show the world that I have it all together?"  No one is alone.  No one situation is so different that you are alone...Christ suffered in EVERY WAY possible.  He felt every stone thrown at Him, every word hurled at Him, every whip that lashed against His back.  

Hebrews 2:17-18  "For this reason he had to be made like them,fully human in every way, in order that he might become a merciful and faithful high priest in service to God, and that he might make atonement for the sins of the people. Because he himself suffered when he was tempted, he is able to help those who are being tempted."

Let's pray in everything.

before everything.

during everything.

after everything.

The Christian Atheist

"We believe in God, but our lives don't really reflect who He is." (The Christian Atheist by Craig Groeschel, 36)


My youth pastor from my church back at home gave the sermon this morning and it was essentially about being a Christian Atheist.  Now if you think about this for a minute, that label is scary.  I am definitely guilty of being a Christian Atheist.  I was saved by the grace of God and believe in Jesus but my actions, words, and thoughts can say otherwise.  If we have been transformed by Christ, our lives will show that.  I can never seem to remember that what I have been given, I have been given by Christ and it isn't mine to keep away from others.  My level of generosity and selflessness is low.  I think this all starts with me simply not having God's heart for others all the time.  This forces me to ask myself, do I really know God?  No I mean, do I REALLY know Him?  And not just know about Him, but know Him...intimately.  I want all I do to be motivated by my deep love for Christ, not for the sake of gaining others' approval. 


My favorite passage in the Bible is Psalm 63:1-4


"You, God, are my God, 
   earnestly I seek you;
I thirst for you,
   my whole being longs for you,
in a dry and parched land
   where there is no water.
I have seen you in the sanctuary
   and beheld your power and your glory.
Because your love is better than life,
   my lips will glorify you.
I will praise you as long as I live,
   and in your name I will lift up my hands."


This is the cry of my heart.  To be able to say to God, "You are MY God and I intimately know you."  I want to seek have an attitude of always seeking, because if we seek God, we WILL find Him.  As we seek and find, we will be consumed with continually seeking and finding Christ.  This does not lead to dissatisfaction, as worldly things do.  God is and will always be bigger than we can even comprehend, but as we seek Him, He will reveal Himself to us and we will be completely satisfied in Him.  


We will be satisfied...NOT complacent.  Being satisfied in God is believing and knowing that God is enough.  Being complacent is staying the same.  When we seek God, we will never be the same.  God satisfies our hunger and thirst.  The Creator molded us and created a hole in our hearts that only He can fill.  However, we try and fill it with things on earth and we end up being even unhappier than when we stared.  This is because none other than the Creator of the universe can fill that void.  


When people look at your life, they will be able to easily tell who or what is most important to you by the amount of time and energy you put into specific things.  If we truly say that we are completely in love with Christ, do our lives show that?  We say that we "feel bad" for people who have no water...do we really?  Do we seriously only "feel bad"?  Does God call us to just "feel bad" for the poor and oppressed?  God wants us to truly be broken for His people, just as He is.  


If we even "feel bad", it maybe lasts for 5 minutes, but then we go back to accidentally leaving the water on or complaining about how the water tastes weird.  Seriously??  I am so guilty of that and it pains me to say that.  God has placed a burden on my heart for the untouchables of this world: orphans, girls in the sex-trafficking industry, and the least/lost/lonely.  But looking at my life...what I am doing EVERYDAY to act on that?  Am I lessening the amount of water I use?  Am I restricting my purchasing?  Am I only buying things that promote the well-being of the poor?  Being broken for God's people requires daily sacrifice. 


Go to slaveryfootprint.org
You will be motivated to radically change your lifestyle.


I need to live simply.
I need to be intentional about my words and actions.
I need to know God.
I need my heart to be in sync with God's heart.
I need to deeply love.

Facebook fast and Swazi bound!

Hello everyone!

Today is Day 1 of the Facebook fast for Lent.  I do recognize that I could have done a Facebook fast earlier in the year which would have resulted in me not being as addicted to Facebook as I am now, but alas, I could never do it…how pitiful! I found myself having A LOT more free time, which was quickly filled up with homework and filling out applications.  I found myself thinking, "this no Facebook thing is gonna be awesome for my studies…I am going to get so ahead on my work!"  Well, that is true, however God quickly reminded me of why I was doing this fast in the first place.  I am taking out the false idols in my life in order to restore God to His rightful place in my life…at the center.  

The thing that took up most of my time today, however, was something that resulted from a 15 minute phone conversation from Atlanta, GA.   In fact, this "thing" has been taking up all of my time for the past 7 days.  It was all I could think about and dream about at night.  I applied for a missions trip to Swaziland with Adventures In Missions' college-age trip.  Last Wednesday I had a phone interview that lasted about an hour.  I was really nervous but as soon as my interviewer opened in prayer, a peace flooded over me and I could answer honestly and talk about my testimony.  Afterwards, she told me that it would be about 7 days until I would hear back about whether or not I could go on the trip.  

Waiting those 7 days, I could do nothing but worry, then surrender to God, worry, then surrender to God over and over again!  The reason why I was so scared was because as I would pray, I felt God telling me to walk through the doors He opens for me.  I strongly viewed the upcoming result of my interview either an open or closed door.  I desperately wanted to go on the trip, but I wanted it to be God's will…not mine.  

Today I was emailed in the late afternoon that they had gotten my phone number wrong! I immediately called and left a message on the answering machine, and at the end I said, "I hope you can call back soon so we can talk because I am dying to know! Okay thanks bye."  He called right back, seriously about 10 seconds later and told me that Passport would love to have me on their Swazi team!  I screamed…out loud.  I am positive that my whole hall heard me.  After composing myself, but still shaking, I visited all my friends' rooms, freaking out about the news! Even thinking about it causes a massive grin to take over my face! It is surreal…I am going to be in Swaziland…for 2 months….doing what God wants me to do and completely depending on Him.  Knowing that this trip is completely in God's hands gives me such a deep peace, especially about finances.  It literally looks impossible, and I can feel satan's attacks, but God WILL provide and He will do it for His Glory.

God has really placed in me an intense hunger to read His Word to know Him, not just know about Him.  Reading for 2 hours a day and just soaking in the love of Christ has been incredible.  I said a prayer about Swazi, thanking God for opening that door and praying that God would give me a complete peace about the finances.  I asked God to give me a verse to literally hang onto as I prepare for Swazi…I opened up to this verse in Luke 4:43 of Jesus proclaiming, "I must preach the good news of the kingdom of God to the other towns also, because that is why I was sent. And He kept on preaching in the synagogues of Judea."  

I actually gasped when I read that verse.  I was reminded once again that my purpose here on earth is to preach the good news of the kingdom of God to everyone, everywhere, but specifically to Swazis.  This trip excites me to no end, partially because I am finally REALLY stepping out of my comfort zone…and I know for a fact that God is calling me to do that.  I am going to constantly feel uncomfortable, inadequate, and unqualified…which is the beauty of the sovereignty of God.  I don't think it is a coincidence that right after Jesus proclaims His purpose, He calls the first disciples. In Ezra 7:28 it says, "Because the hand of the LORD my God was on me, I took courage."  This is my mantra in addition with Philippians 4:6--"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God."  Not my will, but yours O Lord!

Bottom Line: God is SO GOOD and He created the universe…so why can't I trust Him with my life?  By worrying I am saying that I can take care of myself better than God can take care of me…isn't that ridiculous? Praise be to God that He is all-powerful and Holy!

Constant

"The Christian who walks with the Lord and keeps constant communion with Him will see many reasons for rejoicing and thanksgiving all day long."
[Warren Wiersbe]


First of all, Happy Thanksgiving! The rest of this post, however, might sound very contradictory to my first sentence! I found the above quote this morning and it pierced my heart.  Although I understand the roots of Thanksgiving Day, Thanksgiving should be every moment of every day.  Holidays are once-a-year, special occasions that we celebrate and relish because they are not that frequent.  And as we all know, Thanksgiving Day has been dubbed a once-a-year holiday. Does this sound right to you?


I have SO much to be thankful for, way more than I could ever list off in 24 hours straight. Our expressions of thanksgiving to God should not be an afterthought. Don't you think He gets a little tired of hearing our complaints and whining all day long? Well, maybe He doesn't because He relishes every moment His creation speaks and communes with Him, but He created the heavens and earth to give Him praise and glory and that is exactly what they are doing...but are we as humans, people made in God's image, doing that? Creation is constantly groaning and proclaiming His glory, an eternal act of thankfulness. We cannot even take a moment out of our day to thank Him for the breath that He just graced us with. 


As I read the quote, I was convicted of how little I actually thank God. It's not that I don't have anything to be thankful for...it's just the opposite.  I have too much and I don't know where to start! I am overwhelmed at the things God has done through me and for me. I think of my petty fears and anxieties and then realize that God loves me so much and knows me so well that He watches over me and protects me. 


For example, I have a phobia of food poisoning (you may be wondering, "and who doesn't?" but I have a phobia of it...not just a deep fear). I don't eat certain foods because they can easily be contaminated or undercooked (I won't eat meat with pink in it, I always smell the milk no matter what the expiration date is, etc). On Monday, before going back home, I was in the caf contemplating whether or not I should make stir-fry.  I immediately walked away from the stir-fry line, not really knowing why, but having a strong urge not to eat it. I thought it was just because I had been eating it for so long that I was sick of it. About 2 hours later, my friend told me that a lot of people had been getting food poisoning from the stir-fry vegetables and the sauces that were sitting out. As trivial as it sounds, God really watches over me. He knows my fears and His grace is sufficient. He is more than enough. That experience prompted me to look for God's grace in every moment and I clearly see God's hand in my life. He has saved me from SO many embarrassing moments that I would have brought upon myself, yet He cares so much and reigns me in...probably chuckling at my stupidity! He saves me from myself!


If being thankful is hard for you, or if you don't ever think about it because you are so busy, then a re-evalution of who you are living for must take place. If you truly believe and experience the mercy of Christ, you would be overflowing with thankfulness. I am speaking to myself as well. It is hard for me to pour out my thankfulness or even find thankfulness in my heart when all I want to do is pour out my self pity and sorrows. When we choose to thank God instead of complain to Him, He blesses that and even gives us the words to speak to Him, all we have to do is believe what we are proclaiming to Him. I find that in order to be thankful, I need to die to myself. I heard a speaker in chapel say the following words and it has been changing the way I live my life: "The Bible says to die daily...how do you do that in moderation?"


Here is a random thought for you:
For awhile last year, I would not say "Amen" after my prayers.  I would try and be conscious that my life and every breath should be a prayer to God and a testimony to others of His grace and love. Being aware of this fact does impact the way you do things, what you do, what you don't do, and what you say. Knowing that everyday is an offering and prayer to God, I think before I act and read the Bible before I speak. I begin to experience the constant communion with God that He so desires for us...just like what was modeled and intended for us in the Garden of Eden. I challenge you to refrain from saying "Amen" in the sense that when you say it, your prayer and communion with God is limited and has an end point. Let every breath you breathe give glory to God, because He is the Giver and Sustainer of Life. As long as this blink-of-a-life seems on the scale of eternity, live it out as though your time is limited...because it is. You, whether you are aware of it or not, are being judged, watched, evaluated, and thought about constantly by others. Lead others down the straight and narrow by your words and actions. Every life counts and the scary thing is that if we ignore the people God puts in our life and we don't show them God's love, their blood is on our hands. It's time that we take responsibility for our actions, or for what we don't do, and share the gift of salvation that we have been selfishly hiding. Our motivation should be such that we love God so much that we love His people as well and deeply desire them to experience the free gift of real life.